David Altshuler, M.S.
(305) 978-8917 | david@davidaltshuler.com

Category: Parenting

Unseen Girls

Tolstoy’s War and Peace is 561,304 words. Woody Allen said, “it’s about Russia.” But all most anybody knows about Leo’s novels is from Anna Karenina: “All happy families resemble one another but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” I don’t know about families, but I might presume

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Payments

My mortgage payment in 1981 was $803/month. The year before my take home salary was $778/month. Simple arithmetic suggested that if I were to continue living indoors, I would have to bustle. So I tutored math–driving to see students from Kendall to Miami Beach. I took over a morning paper

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Friends

I have written previously about the privilege of slogging along with my running buddies and how indicative of my privilege our meetings are. My dermatologist, my dentist, my financial advisor, and my accountant are all part of the early-morning group. I don’t have to take a bus across town, find

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Lieutenant, Win this Race

Everyone knows about Abebe Bikila in the Olympic marathon in Rome in 1960. World record. Ran barefoot. (Not a typo. Barefoot over cobblestones.) Made a political statement in Italy the country which, in Bikila’s lifetime, had bombed Ethiopia with a disregard for humanity that my poor power of words will

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The Hole Story

From Aaron Sorkin’s The West Wing: A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, “Hey you! Can you help me out?” The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, “Father, I’m down in

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Three Stories. One Punch Line.

A man wants to get in touch with a US senator. He goes to a well-connected Washington lobbyist. “I need a meeting with the senator,” he says. “I can get you a connected with the senator” replies the lobbyist. “The charge will be ten thousand dollars.” “Ten thousand dollars?” the

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Running the Laundry

Just as Edison is frequently invoked as knowing a thousand ways not to make a lightbulb, I am intimately familiar with how to run a marathon so as not to qualify for Boston. Having had the good sense to turn 50 and noticing the requisite time necessary to get a

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Family

There are myriad reasons not to be a family. There is only one reason to put up with your cigarette-smoking, nose-picking, inept, unpleasant, disruptive, opinionated, boorish grandparents, in-laws, cousins, and siblings. Did I mention that they are also offensive, insensitive, and inappropriate? Do I have to remind you that they

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Poor Boy

Wait a minute? He did what? He killed her? With a knife? Because she went on a date or didn’t want to marry him or preferred this Grayson guy? And now the abusive murderer is going to hang and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him? “Poor boy”? He’s called

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Complaint

The irony of my complaining about complainers is not lost on me, but consider what the following complainers and complaints have in common: A pediatrician griping about patients with runny noses. A high school math teacher grumbling about students who haven’t memorized the quadratic formula. A lawyer moaning about clients

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Copyright © David Altshuler 1980 – 2022    |    Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC     |    (305) 978-8917    |    david@davidaltshuler.com