Three Signs to Help You Determine if Someone is Angry with You

I am doing my part to support our on-going work to help one another be the best people that we can by offering the following helpful guide to allow you to determine whether or not someone is angry with you. With these basic Anger Assessment tools at your disposal, it will be simplicity itself to discern whether or not the person with whom you are communicating is upset with you. Being aware of these subtle social cues will help you make better decisions in your dealings with the folks at work as well as the people in your personal life. The Anger Assessment Index will work with young or old, rich or poor. It is effective with those who are “slow to anger” as well as those who have a quick flash point.

Be on the lookout for these understated but critical indications that someone is cross with you. Although this guide is neither exhaustive nor foolproof, the following first approximation should be of useful. If you notice any of the following signs, you may assume that the person you are speaking with has become dissatisfied with some substantial aspect of your interaction.

1) You perceive words of the form “you stupid son of a bitch” or “why don’t you put a gun in your mouth?” directed at you.

2) You notice hands wrapped tightly around your throat with thumbs pointed inward cutting off the airflow to your trachea. Shortness of breath followed by mild nausea and rapid heartbeat ensue. Losing consciousness is an especially cogent indicator.

3) You observe a hand with fingers closed into a formation commonly referred to as a “fist” coming into contact with your nose with sufficient force as to produce copious bleeding from said orifice.

In any of these instances, you may infer that someone is angry with you.

Similarly, here is a sign of a sick culture that is sinking fast: This morning I met a perfect stranger on the street who, within 60 seconds of “Nice day” launched into an endless diatribe about his 11-year-old son’s grade point average, SAT scores, extra-curricular activities, and plans for college six years in the future.

Mind you I had not identified myself as a college admissions professional and a quick perusal of my apparel confirmed that nowhere on my tee-shirt were the words “tell me how quickly your family is hurtling down the road to nowhere” emblazoned.

It was clear to me that this man who seemed normal and pleasant enough in every other regard, was a hysterical piranha regarding the subject of where his son would go to college. The demons that were stalking his family were all too real to him, the need for constant worry all too immediate.

If random strangers feel the need to justify their curricular choices when I am staggering around the neighborhood on an early morning dog walk, then the collective anxiety level is clearly well past the red zone.

The irony of building your family’s psychic home on Anxiety Lane is that children thrive on relaxation, respect, freedom, down-time, and calm more than they respond to pressure, badgering, anxiety, and parents riding off in all directions at once. Pressuring your kids to relax makes as much sense as “Wake up, it’s time for your sleeping pill.”

The reality is that any loving parent can tell that her child is doing well in school (or not.) C’mon. Do you actually need a report card? You know very well whether your child is reading Vonnegut rather than playing “Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Blood, Blood, Blood, Kill, Kill, Kill.” Do you truly not know whether or not your child loves learning? Is he attuned to the world around him or is he checked out most of the time? Are you content with your child’s education or are you stopping random strangers in the middle of their morning dog walks to pontificate and justify the choices you have made for your child?

If you answered yes to any of the rhetorical questions in the paragraph above, then maybe there is a need for my “Guide to Tell if Someone is Actually Angry with You.”