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As regular readers of this column will acknowledge, I thrive on being read, on getting my message out there. I appreciate every response to my weekly columns. Conversation, even controversy, is what this community of writers and readers is all about. I welcome and enjoy your reactions. I appreciate the opportunity to connect with erudite readers who care about parenting. That would be you.
So imagine my elation upon learning that I had been chosen to speak at the Miami Book Fair next month. Talk about an opportunity to be heard, to spread the word! Mitchell Kaplan, the organizer, is a gift to authors nationally and a hero to us locally. Mitchell has produced a world-class event. He invited me to join Dave Barry, Joyce Carol Oates, and the best known, best selling, best, best, best authors working today. Okay, so maybe I’m not on the same stage as the headliners but still an opportunity not to be missed, a once in a lifetime chance.
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Except of course that I have a family commitment that same day. One of my kids is getting an award for some academic work. My wife and I and some of our other kids are driving across the state to see him walk across a stage with a hundred classmates.
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So I will miss speaking at the Miami Book Fair this year. I won’t get to share my message about parenting. I won’t get to sell any books. I won’t get tohang out in the author’s lounge with the best contemporary writers. I won’t get to have a chance to chat with my heroes. (“Dave Barry, hi!” “Hi, David. How’s your new book?” “Great, Dave. How about yours?”)
A buddy of mine suggested that I skip the ceremony, that my kid couldn’t care less if I’m there or not. My buddy was fairly explicit in his recommendation that I advance my career by going to the book fair rather than driving for hours to see one of my kid honored for 30 seconds.
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“He doesn’t give a shit if you’re there or not,” he said.
“No, he doesn’t,” I agreed. My buddy raised his eyebrows wondering if I had gotten the message. “But I do.”
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So enjoy the Miami Book Fair without me. Go hear Dave Barry whose books are a hundred times funnier than mine. Go find Mitchell Kaplan and thank him for putting together the best thing to happen to Miami since the invention of alligators. Go support authors famous and otherwise by listening to their lectures and buying their books.
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Maybe I’ll write another book next year and Mitch will invite me to lecture at the Miami Book Fair in 2017. Maybe I’ll get another chance to mill about in the author’s lounge eating free food and getting interviewed by earnest young journalists. Maybe.
But here’s one thing I know for certain: the shining, fleeting moments of reveling in the rites of passage with my kids will not come again. I am going to bathe in every golden moment. Ten hours in a car and missing an opportunity to speak at the Book Fair in exchange for a chance to watch my kid walk across a stage for 30 seconds is a bargain, as good a deal as I am ever likely to make.
24 thoughts on “Opportunity Knocked”
Too late
Spelling
Joyce Carol OatEs, not Oats
bathE, not bath
(But the message is sweet)
David –
Thank you for sharing your decision to put first things first and be present for your son’s graduation.
This is a beautiful statement about values and doing what’s right no matter what. Inspiring, sir. Onwards….John Huie
Dave,
Good choice! While our children are good at acting indifferent to our presence at their special events, being present when they receive positive recognition or rewards adds immeasurably to their sense of accomplishment. Yet another tradeoff done out of parental love.
Joe
I am glad to see the destination is Gainesville. Enjoy the trip.
What? You mean you practice what you preach? Thanks for showing us how all that good advice works in real life!
Bravo David! “PARENTS Learn What They Live (& observe from your columns)”
🙂
And one day, your offspring will look back and realize how much they DID care that you were there.
I LOVE that you practice what you preach.
We have twin (fraternal) sons who lead very separate young adult lives. One son came home (from his college 1,000 miles away) to visit briefly one summer. We drove for two hours with him to visit his brother who was working at a summer camp and was able to get away for an hour or so after the campers were all asleep. He joined us for dessert at a nearby watering hole. Four hours of driving with one son so that we could all be together for an hour = GOLD. To most people that does not sound very rational. We were happy to have that chance to gather. It would be six months or more until the next time we could be in the same room together.
David, life is about choices, and you made the right one, but of course you know this already, you didn’t need my validation.
I disagree, your son does care! Once in a lifetime event not to be missed by any family member certainly! PRICELESS!
Good Job and Congratulations to your son.
Janet
David, I imagine that the sign on the door would read: “Our featured author could not be with us today to talk to you about good parenting skills since he was practicing what he was practicing what he preaches: being a good parent! “. That being said, it’s a shame that another time slot could not be found or switched around so that you could be heard; your message is powerful, and much needed!
“A deal when I see one!” Joyous article. Knowing our priorities as a parent is the greatest gift we can give our children, as long as they are at the top of that list. Doesn’t mean a vacation just with your spouse, or date night, those are priorities, too. But having children to love, and for me now, to have grandchildren to love is a supernatural kind of experience.
Grateful everyday!
Looks like you worked you way through this decision and writing the blog, helped too, I’m sure. I admire the clear principles and “walking the walk.” It seems that, to you, this was a “no-brainer.” I’m still working on it…
Your son will only act like he “couldn’t care less.” Years from now he will remember when Dad was or wasn’t there, likely even more than he will remember what the award was for. The act of showing you care has profound impact. And the beauty of parenting is that the rewards and satisfaction are mutual, although not always immediately apparent. Sometimes obligations can’t be set aside for family matters and children have to grow to understand that, but they also should know that, any time there is a choice, the choice is for them and not the game of golf or football, or,as in your case, personal recognition. Making that choice makes me feel better than anything else, so I get to be a good Dad and selfish at the same time. Call it a win/win.
We were 100% sure of the choice you would make. You walk the walk! ….. George and Gloria
Good decision David. When you do finally make it to the big stage l will be happy to say “I knew you when…” I believe your son will be happy that you are present and sharing this moment with him. He also will one day recall such a moment when you are old and gray.
Being a father is the most important job I ever had. Not being there is not an option. I enjoyed your comments as well as those of your readers.
A. Your kid DOES give a crap.
B. You don’t just give advice on parenting, you live it. My already high admiration for you just increased.
I love and respect that you are practicing what you “preach.” As the mother of two grown children, those rights of passages actually do mean a lot to your kids and they notice when we’re not there.
David, what is the saying — they may not always remember what we said or what we did, but they will always remember how we made them feel.
Your son may or may not care that you attend this particular ceremony but he sure as hell knows that he is very much loved and supported by the most important people in his life! Family values matter.
I hope the Miami Book Fair is wise enough to honor you again with this invitation next year as the organic and authentic author you are.
You’re a better man than I, Gunga Din.
Thank-you for sharing! Your comments were heartfelt!
I hope your friend does not have any children
Carol
I am happy for your decision. Even when our kids say it doesn’t matter to them if we attend or not, your not being there will matter after it’s over. Your being there will be remembered as proof of your love and commitment to your family. Break the rules and be embarrassingly loud when his name is called!
Congratulations David…on the book, Mitch Kaplan’s offer and, of course, your son’s accomplishment.
Love your column and always forward it to friends.
Thought you might give your son the chance to say, “Go to your book thing, Dad. I’ve got this one covered this time. I know you love me and care about what I do, but I’d like to do this one for you. I may not get a shining, fleeting moment like this one again to show how much I love you.”
Stretching the logic a bit on this one, but thought I’d share.
Love what you do.
Enjoy!