I love the “I’ve got your nose” trick as much as the next doting parent. But it is important to note that a) in reality, my thumb is not your toddler’s nose and b) no child should believe that I have, in actuality, removed her nose. Subsequent to turning five a level of cognitive sophistication kicks in; children no longer believe that their body parts are so easily detachable.
It is no longer unreasonable to envision a curriculum in which the “I’ve got your nose“ trick is being taught in high school. As the high point of the curriculum.
Indeed, imagine a superintendent of public instruction who does not believe in, well, public education. You wouldn’t have had to imagine such an employee of the state had 130,654 more people voted for Michelle Morrow last November. 2,706,958 North Carolinians—48.8 % of the voters—did vote for a person who wants to shut down most schools. 130,654 votes out of 5,544,570 cast is around two percent. Although you needn’t be too concerned about your child learning percents has Michelle Morrow won. The potential superintendent of public schools refers to public schools as “indoctrination centers.” I don’t know about you, but I am grateful that educators indoctrinated my children with an understanding of—among other arcane topics–percents.
What are loving parents to do? We so want our children to understand percents. We don’t want our children to be taught about magic beans rather than the origin of species. We don’t want our children to be told that the Earth is 6000 years old. The smart money puts the age of the Earth at something closer to 4,500,000,000 years old this coming Thursday. We don’t want your children to be told that history didn’t happen, that 500,000 Romani, 2,000,000 Poles, 3,000,000 Soviet prisoners of war, and 5,800,000 Jews weren’t murdered in the middle of the last century.
So on the one hand we have small-minded, harmful, loony folks with their own agenda—religious zealotry? Hoping for higher office? Possession by aliens?—in positions of authority, making decisions about what our children are taught, or perhaps if our children are taught if Michelle Morrow subsequently gets elected. On the other hand we are beset by parents who won’t let competent teachers do their job. You know these over-reaching progenitors. They are the ones arguing—allegedly on behalf of their children—over a grade on a writing assignment, or a gentle instruction for a student to sit down and stop being disruptive so that the other kids can pay attention and learn something—as I mentioned I am all in favor of kids knowing percents.
Harmful public servants and parents who want to control every word spoken in every classroom are the Scylla and Charybdis of our children’s best shot at learning. As is frequently the case, The Serenity Prayer has actionable advice. To know the difference between accepting what we can’t change and changing what we can is the $64,000 insight. At the end of the day, we as parents are significantly responsible for how our kids feel about their educations.
Few of us have the luxury or the expertise to quit our jobs and take on the full-blown responsibility of home-schooling our kids. But we can model appropriate boundaries. An example, a student receiving a poor mark on a written assignment may suffice. “You submitted an A paper, your instructor is an idiot, I’m going to call the school board and make sure that your dim bulb of a teacher loses their job, after I finish throwing eggs at her house!” communicates that your child has neither the agency or authority to learn for themselves and is totally over the top. Absent a teacher pouring slime on your child, interference of this type is never warranted.
“You pathetic mass of parrot droppings*, how could you get a C, I wish someone else was your parent!” similarly misses the mark. Yelling at kids teaches kids how to get yelled at and does nothing for helping them learn how to write better.
The middle way is my preferred approach. “Looks like there is a run-on sentence here, Son. A semi-colon separates two independent clauses; both have to have their own subject and verb, be able to stand on their own as complete sentences. So, you might want to rewrite this as…” In addition, suggest no more than three corrections in a given assignment. Because children can mistake being corrected with being berated. And the best way to help kids learn how to write is to read to them. Last I heard, there were still copies of Harry Potter, The Phantom Tollbooth, and Pippi Longstocking available.
That this same over-the-top, meddling, parent who yells at their child’s teacher is likely in league with the Michelle Morrows of the world trying to control what you can read to your child is the subject of another, even more disquieting, column. For now, accept that part of the sacred responsibility of loving parents is to be supportive or our children as they parry the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,**
