You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone!
Or possibly a location much closer to home, the school down the street. The school where your children attend could be through the third door to the left. The Twilight Zone ran from 1959 through 1964. I haven’t watched all 156 episodes, but I feel strongly that Rod Sterling never thought of anything as truly terrifying as… …
… your child’s physics teacher discussing astrology rather than astronomy, insisting that the position of the stars on the day you were born is more predictive of reality than gravity, electricity, magnetism, or relativity. Yes, I was born in August which makes my astrological sign asparagus or possibly crustacean, but if I drop a pencil, the object falls to the Earth—independent of my birthday or whether I believe in science.
… your child’s history teachers discoursing how—there’s no other way to put this—history didn’t actually happen. The Earth was created 6000-something years ago. Germans didn’t murder 500,000 Romani, 2,000,000 Poles, 3,000,000 Soviet prisoners of war, and 5,800,000 Jews. Dinosaur bones were placed in the fossil record as a test of faith.
… your child’s biology teacher quoting “you may think magic is make-believe, but this little bean has scientists saying they’ve found the magic weight-loss cure for every body type. It’s green coffee extract.” The person responsible for this sketchy hucksterism is now in charge of Medicare and Medicaid. My affection for the Jack and the Beanstalk notwithstanding, I hope my children will prefer science to magic beans.
But wait, theres more! What could be worse than teachers who have no knowledge of their subjects? I have drawn your attention previously regarding the relationship of student loans to cigarettes and unprescribed opioids. Being graduated from college with unsustainable debt unable to buy a home, have a baby, save for retirement makes the Twilight Zone seem like a lovely place to live by comparisn.
That there are people who manufacture, distribute, and sell cigarettes is not news. How these purveyors of emphysema live with themselves after killing 480,000 Americans each year is perhaps better addressed by Hannah Arendt’s The Banality of Evil. That these folks are in charge of your child’s education is my concern in my column this week.
In short, there are all sorts of folks lined up to do harm to your beloved children. Many of them are now in positions of authority, some in schools, some in government.
I love the “I’ve got your nose” trick as much as the next doting parent. But it is important to note that a) in reality, my thumb is not your toddler’s nose and b) after age 5, no child should believe that I have, in actuality, removed their nose.
It is no longer impossible to envision a curriculum in which magic beans and the “I’ve got your nose“ trick are being taught in high school.
Indeed, imagine a superintendent of public instruction who does not believe in, well, public education. You wouldn’t have had to imagine it had 130,654 more people voted for Michelle Morrow a few weeks ago. 2,706,958 North Carolinians—48.8 % of the voters—did. 130,654 out of 5,544,570 is two tenths of one percent. Although you needn’t be too concerned about your child learning percents. The potential superintendent of public schools refers to public schools as “indoctrination centers.” I don’t know about you, but I am grateful that educators indoctrinated my children with an understanding of percents.
Michelle Morrow also believes that “a network of child traffickers and pedophiles that tortures and kills children to harvest their blood for an anti-aging elixir known as adrenochrome.” I have nothing to add to the above sentence. Indeed, we live in a time and a place that is beyond parody.
Which brings me—“finally” it could be argued—to my point for this week: your children have to believe that you, their parent, know best, that you have their best interests at heart. Your kids have to know that you care more about the knowledge in their heads than the letters on their report card. Indeed, should your children be graduated from school believing in magic beans, that apricot pits (laetrile) cure cancer, that opinions matter more than percents, their teachers, the members of the cabinet, and the superintendent of schools will not suffer. You will.
Therefore, you must bear the ultimate responsibility for the education of your kids. You have to ensure that your kids are knowledgeable about mathematics, science, and history. Your children should also have a preference for reading. Even if–especially if–teachers and politicians shamelessly try to restrice what your children can read.
You have work to do. Stand up and accept the sad reality that your child’s history teacher may not believe in history, that your child’s science teacher may not believe in science, that the potential superintendent of education does not believe in public education
Now stop being outraged at how so many people are trying to harm your kids and go read them a book or teach them percents or take them to a museum where they can enjoy learning about science and history. Neither Rod Sterling nor Michelle Morrow nor charlatan hucksters can stop you from teaching your kids what they deserve to know.
