Here’s a terrifying scenario. Worse than the scariest of Rod Sterling’s Twilight Zone episodes. Network television may show helicopters exploding and Bay Watch reruns but no programming would include something as horrific as the following: Imagine living in a home without a front door. Cycles of frigid temperatures, dust, and
Those who are triggered by references to gun violence may wish to skip the article this week. A 17-year-old eats a hamburger. Her parents – – religious adherents, vehement vegetarians, or perhaps just miserable human beings to begin with – – beat her. Mom and dad take turns hitting their
Why do I love spam, the more feckless the better? The stupider the ask, the more I enjoy it. What is my predilection about? Most (normal) folks are grumpy about the quotidian barrage attacking their inbox, happily ignoring incompetent requests for money and personal information. Why do I look forward
Yesterday morning I ran a mile in eight minutes. Each lap of the quarter mile track required almost exactly two minutes of exertion. At the end of the eight-minute workout, I was pretty much pooped and headed over to the deli with my running buddies for some companionship, conversation, and
Lillian Helman took care of Dorothy Parker until Dorothy Parker died. Lillian did what people do: hired a house cleaner, ran some errands. Lillian thought she would be compensated when Parker and her “cobra wit” ascended to the great typewriter in the sky. She was not. Parker’s will left everything
In a valiant attempt to “save time” Patti and I trundled off to the Charlotte Airport yesterday afternoon to sign up for “Global-Skip-the-Line-Retinal-Scan-TSA-Double-Secret-Probation-Decoder-Ring-PreCheck” having been unable to negotiate the required forms on the “computer” because we are old, curmudgeonly, and–on a good day–technologically inept. Or so we thought. Because, as
The vast majority of my running buddies have never been invited to put their hands in my mouth. A smaller number of my running buddies and I have breakfast together Thursday mornings, a tradition dating back 38 years. But some members of the group were in nursery school when Coach
How do we put together “he who hesitates is lost” and “look before you leap”? Side by side the two sayings seem contradictory. But maybe “look before you leap” doesn’t mean don’t leap—ever. “Look before you leap” might mean be cool, take your time, think it over. Then go ahead
At my dad’s 85th birthday fete, he and the dozen other members of the poetry group gathered to recite. The titular head of the group handed out copies of “When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes.” My dad handed back the paper, not disdainfully but with the same grace
Whoever said, “life is hard and then you die” was a starry-eyed optimist in that those of us who have done the parenting thing for a bit would argue that the author left out a number of “are we there yets?” and a great many “how do you knows?” along
Copyright © David Altshuler 1980 – 2024 | Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC | (305) 978-8917 | [email protected]
