After a buddy of mine had the poor judgment to choose to be born on the island of Hispaniola, he compounded his ineptitude 30 years later by contracting malaria. Sensitive to my wife’s unyielding policy of “no dead guys in the living room,” I drove Sebastian to the county hospital
I know an old woman who swallowed a fly… My baby is still colicky after three months. He still does not sleep for more than two hours at a time. All the other mothers I chat with at the gym have babies who are sleeping through the night. Sometimes, I
Consider Mr. Atrobus versus a mastodon. Atrobus is hungry. But the mastodon does not fancy appearing on anyone’s luncheon menu. One on one, the smart money is on Proboscidea. Because soaking wet, Atrobus tips the scales at something south of 200 pounds, about 10,000 pounds short of your recalcitrant mastodon.
Warning: some content may not be appropriate for younger readers. At two o’clock in the morning at a fraternity party, a senior tells a first year student that he has been attracted to her for the entire semester but has never spoken to her until now. He alternates encouraging her
Which child do you think is more likely to become a lifelong learner and love reading until the day he heads up to that big bookstore in the sky? a) the child for whom reading is an unending series of tedious worksheets followed by vacuous questions or the form “Which of
Recently a number of my gentle readers including some number of my own children have made the wildly unsettling allegation that this author’s advice to parents trying to raise healthy children in our toxic world can be summed up by the phrase “take the kids camping.” Surely, there is more to
Surely a case could be made for Muhammad Ali, Babe Ruth, Jesse Owens, Wayne Gretzky, Jack Nicklaus, or Michael Jordan as the greatest male athlete of the 20th century. But no vociferous barfly could overlook Jim Thorpe without being asked to step outside and settle the issue. Olympic gold medalist in the pentathlon and decathlon, professional football,
Another of my middle aged, balding, paunchy buddies was getting along fine with his girlfriend, getting serious after two years of dating. They were chatting amicably about which caterer to use, making lists of which old friends to invite to the ceremony. Since they were both divorced with grown kids,
Let’s ignore fun now and fun later. Catching that big bass with your grandchild at that sparkling, secluded spot on that perfect fall day was exquisite at the time and only gets better with each re-telling. “Say the part again about how the fishing pole almost broke, Papa. Tell about
It would be hard to overstate the carnage resulting from the Corvette drag racing down US 1 at over 100 miles per hour slashing through the Chevette turning left on 17th Avenue. Drivers coming upon the destruction assumed that the fire fighters had cut the Chevette in two in order to
Copyright © David Altshuler 1980 – 2024 | Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC | (305) 978-8917 | [email protected]
