Albert! Put Down that Violin!

Deborah, a gifted attorney, effortlessly writes brilliant, air tight, appellate briefs. But ask her to speak in front of people in or out of the courtroom and she’s so nervous that she can’t sleep for days beforehand and wants to take Valium.

Anthony, a surgeon, was picked last for team sports throughout school. He still doesn’t enjoy participating in athletics of any kind.

Winston’s parents said, “There’s no future in being an orator. We want you to excel at rugby.”

Albert, a 25 year-old worker in the Swiss Patent Office and an undistinguished violinist, is told by his parents to give up writing equations on the backs of envelopes and to stick to his music. (This never happened. But in the wrong family, it could have.)

Think about your skill set–what you’re good at and what you love to do. Now, think about changing. Imagine, if you hate talking to new people, trying to make a living selling door to door. Imagine, if you love all things numerical, being forced to choose a career without math.

Making the match between an adolescent’s proclivities and passions on the one hand and her abilities on the other is what good counseling is all about.

Because our culture is full of examples of “overcoming adversity,” of “triumphing over all odds,” of three pointers at the buzzer, of kids staying up all night before the final and passing the course. Our culture is full of “Ordinary People,” “Rudy,” “Breaking Away,” and “Stand and Deliver.”

The reality is that in the examples above, it is the highly trained, highly motivated, highly experienced athletes who make the miracle come-from-behind game winners. Kids in the classroom better be doing what they love and loving what they do, because the reality is far less “theatrical.” Kid who skip class all semester and then stay up all night and learn all the material are like shepherds. I hear about them a lot more than I run into them. Stated simply, kids who ignore their responsibilities all semester and then do well as the end are the exception. More frequently, these kids don’t make it through.

I am a firm believer in the power of transformative positive change. I have been privileged to observe kids in recovery, adults who turn their lives around, 35 year-old women who go back to law school, addicts who get clean and become successful.

Here’s what I don’t see: Norbert a talented musician is struggling in science class. “If he just put in the same effort studying advanced chemistry as he does composing and performing music,” his mom laments.”There’s no reason why he couldn’t be the top of the class.”

Yes, there is a reason. Norbert hates advanced chemistry. He has no aptitude for advanced chemistry. He has no motivation to study advanced chemistry. Studying advanced chemistry is low on his list of priorities, somewhere between being lost in the woods and having an un-anesthetized colonoscopy. Could Norbert do well in advanced chemistry? I don’t know. How many electric cattle prods does Norbert’s mother own?

The army slogan is “Be all that you can be” But that’s it. They don’t go on to say, “Be More than You Can Be.”

Think again about your skill set, what you’re good at, what you love to do. Now think about being forced to change, to do something you hate.

Aren’t you glad you are who you are?