The Expanded Smoking Section

Not the least of the problems with the “smoking section” in airplanes was that the smoke did not pay attention and remain behind row 16 as instructed. As has often been remarked, there is just no talking to some people. The carcinogens in the cigarette smoke did not behave. And don’t even get me started about that guy who promises only to pee on his side of the pool.

 

Smoke and urine may not pay attention, but parents do. Loving adults everywhere have embraced diversity by sexual orientation, race, social class, and country of origin. Those who have not yet accepted that “they” are quite similar to “we” had better hurry up and get on the bus. Your child’s opportunities for employment diminish significantly if he is only allowed to work for a monozygotic twin.

But what about neighbors who put your children at risk? No one’s child was ever harmed by a rousing discussion of political events. The same cannot be said for those neighbors who have, for example, unlocked weapons, alcohol, or violent pornography accessible when your nine-year-old goes down the street for a play date after school. It’s one thing to have a loud conversation about guns. It’s another kettle of bullets altogether to leave guns where kids can get them.

The former are called opinions; the latter are called crimes.

The question is not whether or not your neighbors should keep their guns locked up where kids can’t get them. The question is how you find out whether or not they do.

And this information is needed BEFORE any conversation of milk, cookies, or current events.

It requires little effort to keep your children safe from an idea. More corrective action is required for exposure to a bullet traveling at 1700 miles per hour.

What about families who allow their middle school children to watch violent pornography WHILE playing with guns AND drinking vodka from the bottle? That drinking vodka straight from the bottle rather than using those attractive little shot glasses is so NOCD* is the least of our issues.

Do you think that my example is too extreme? Do you think that there aren’t any families in your neighborhood who would cause your children harm? Do you feel strongly that there aren’t any families at your child’s middle school whose worldview would cause irrevocable damage to your beloved children.

Then let’s change the conversation from unlocked guns to child abuse and illegal drugs. Do you think that the illegal and deadly drugs are introduced by a stranger from the wrong side of town? Think again. Child abusers are unlikely to be strangers. The bad guy in the black sedan with a lollipop is an urban myth like the alligator in the sewer. The person who is going to introduce your child to recreational narcotics is someone whom your child knows and trusts. Just as the person who wants to abuse your child is someone your child knows, the person who recommends that your child smoke pot is also known to your child. Chances are, the person is someone whom you invited into your home or to whose home you allowed your child to go. Few kids step off the crosstown bus and exclaim, “Howdy! Is there anyone here who would be kind enough to sell me some illegal drugs?”

I don’t pretend to have all the answers about how to keep our kids safe. Surely, we have to allow them to go out and experience the world and go for a swim at the home of neighbors. But part of keeping our kids safe might involve making OUR homes the ones where the kids want to come. Board games, cookie recipes, and a relaxed attitude about muddy floors might be a place to start.

Because the bad guys, like urine and carcinogenic cigarette smoke, just don’t behave like they’re supposed to.