Literate Pretzel

1) James won his age group in a small local race recently. He ran 10 kilometers in 50 minutes. How great is that? Of course, many of the more talented runners were contesting other distances–half and full marathons–so the competition was modest. Just the same, James won in the 60-64 year old division, got a medal and his name in the paper.

A few weeks later, there was another 10K. This time a number of stronger runners participated. Perhaps, as a result of the extraordinarily talented field, James ran 49:30, a full half minute better than the previous race. His finishing time was significantly better, although admittedly, he spat up half his lung and was coughing blood when he went to the medical tent to get an intravenous glucose solution.

He finished 11^th in his age group; it will be two weeks before he is well enough to run again. His doctors as well as his wife have advised him to give up running.

2) Henry is accepted to and matriculates at one of the most highly competitive colleges in the country. As a result, he studies harder than he ever has before. Five hours every day and eight hours on Saturday and Sunday is the norm. He records the lectures, memorizes pages of text, goes to every extra help session. It isn’t enough. His grades are Cs and Ds. On academic probation, he takes a medical leave of absence. He never returns to college. “If I cant compete at the top level, what’s the point?” he says.

You can put James in a New England Patriots uniform and line him up against Laremy Tunsil. But at six feet five inches tall and 316 pounds, Laremy isn’t going to have any trouble with 60-year-old James. Indeed, James’s living will had better be up to date and notarized.

Can you spot the similarities in these narratives? “No matter where you go, there you are “is true in athletics as well as in the classroom. Finland has the highest literacy rate in the world. But sending a pretzel to Helsinki does not mean you get to discuss The Great Gatsby with your snacks.

There is tremendous pressure in our culture to ship our kids off to the places where the other smart kids are. But going to a highly selective college doesn’t turn you in to a highly selective kid. Its not where you go, its who you are. A Miami Dolphins uniform does not make you a Miami Dolphin. Being admitted to a highly selective college does not get you an A in algebraic topology.

Here’s how to help your kid to sojourn contentedly in college: acknowledge her abilities. Is your kid in the top few percentiles on every academic measure? Do her high school teachers frequently use the phrase “smartest kid I’ve ever taught”? If not, allow her to be who she is. She can do brilliantly at a bunch of great colleges. Avoiding the few most competitive schools might be in her interest. Nobody wants to be the dumbest kid in the room; nobody wants to be the one repeating, “could you say that again?” Nobody wants to be the one trying as hard as she possibly can and coming up short. It’s not fair to your child.

There is something to be said for finishing a race without a trip to the medical tent and with your body parts intact.