Position Open: All Powerful Wizard of Oz. Some Experience Preferred.

Did you, by any chance, buy Qualcomm for two dollars a share in 1992? If you were that prescient, did you sell all your Qualcomm holdings eight years later for $75 a share? Because had you invested ten thousand dollars at the start of the run-up, you would have walked out of the casino with $375K. In eight years, each dollar you invested would have turned into $37.50.

Similarly, did you short Qualcomm (make a bet that the price of the stock would go down) in 2000? If you had, within 18 months, your money would have gone up by a factor of 1000 as the stock price plummeted like a flying sheep.* As Qualcomm lost over 90% of its value, there is almost no limit to the amount of money you could have made by wagering that its price would go down.

A college admissions counselor in a high school in New York told a student that she should “under no circumstances” bother applying to Brandeis University because the student “had no chance of being admitted.” A college admissions counselor in Florida told a student not to study photography, that the student would be better off studying accounting. “There are no jobs in photography” the counselor pontificated. “All the newspapers are going under. There will always be jobs for accountants.”

Ignoring for a moment the absurdity of the counselor’s underlying assumptions: that the purpose of college is to get a job; that a student who loves photography COULD change to accounting at the drop of a hat; that the counselor is able to make accurate long term prognostications about the job market, can we address the virulent and strident agenda of “I know better than you”?

Because at some level, that’s what this is really about: I’m older; I know better; I know what’s best for you.

Does this counselors have the wrong sign on her office door? Rather than “Amanda B. Recondwith, College Counselor,” should her name plates read, “Mandy R., College Counselor and All Powerful Wizard of Oz”?

Because someone who can predict where the jobs will be in four years should be making stock picks or sending girls back to Kansas in a balloon rather than working in a college advising office.

Is there some possibility that a 17 year-old should have the agency and ability to make some decisions for herself? Haven’t good students earned the right to make some guesses, take some steps in the direction of self-determination?

I’m not talking about kids who have decided that drinking wine in the gutter is their life plan. Suicidal kids, kids who self-harm, kids who commit crimes, kids who sell drugs all need to be redirected to paths that will allow them to grow up.

But kids who have done well in school, who have made reasonable choices have earned the right to take a step–even a misstep–in the direction of determining their own destiny.

Because, if you think about it, even the Wizard of Oz only gives gentle guidance and advice. After the blustering and pontificating is over, he helps out rather than takes control. And for all we know, the Scarecrow’s diploma says Bachelor’s of Arts in Photography, not Bachelor’s of Business in Accounting.

In short, loving parents and competent counselors should model, instruct, and guide. That’s why the plaque on our door reads GUIDE-ance COUNSELOR. There are no words to the effect of “All Powerful.”

Unless, of course, you bought Qualcomm in 1992 and sold it in 2000. In that case–and in that case only–you can unequivocally tell my child where she’ll be admitted to college and what to study when she gets there.

* “Notice they do not so much fly as plummet.”
–Monte Python, Flying Sheep Skit, 1969