David Altshuler, M.S.
(305) 978-8917 | david@davidaltshuler.com

Category: Parenting

Silence is Golden

Sorry to be late. My granddaughter has a fever. Nothing serious. Maybe 99 point something. Also, this isn’t my computer; I’m using my wife’s computer. So her name is showing up in the Zoom. Not my name. Her name is Peggy. But my name is Bob. So my computer screen

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The Square Root of your Kids

The square root of negative one is a nasty bit of business. The square root of 25 gets invited to parties, has followers on Instagram. Even the square root of 2 is asked to dance occasionally. But the square root of negative one? The square root of negative one is

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A Dog’s Life

Langley and I met a young woman and her canine companion in the neighborhood. Our dogs clearly wanted to play but unlike Langley who is trained to come when called, her dog was not yet competent to return after a romp. So, the four of us walked along together, Langley

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The Last Step

Daren wasn’t a bad kid. Admittedly, he had slept in and missed a few classes, played some tennis, gotten mostly Cs in his first semester. He had pledged a fraternity, drank a few beers. His parents were supportive, to a point. But a D in “Introduction to Sociology” second semester allowed

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Environment

Roberta describes her pandemic life monitoring her five, seven, and nine-year-old children: I feel like I am talking to myself. Sometimes I have to ask my partner if I am actually speaking words out loud. The children do not acknowledge, let alone respond, never mind acquiesce to my escalating instructions.

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Because, Because, Because

Pre-scientific societies were said to make causal inferences from correlations. Which led to any number of major oopsies: I swung a dead cat around my head three times at midnight. Look at this bountiful harvest. A classic blunder: Post hoc ergo propter hoc–after this, therefore because of this. Timeless examples

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Are We There Yet?

One of my running buddies is approaching sixty. On a recent plod, he reflected on whether or not he was happy—and whether or not he had any right not to be. “I’m a wealthy white guy of privilege,” he began. “My children are grown, successful, off the payroll. The kids

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Mother, Please!

“Mother, Please! I’d rather do it myself!” suggests an as yet unmedicated home maker in an iconic 60s commercial. Mom’s transgression? Enquiring if perhaps the stew needs some salt. But, with the benefit of a half century of hindsight, this author wonders if mom’s suggestion was not the first of

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But He’s Such a Good Kid

Mr. Smith has been convicted of a particularly heinous crime. A jury of his peers has found the testimony against Mr. Smith to be unassailable and damning. The witnesses were unanimous regarding the evidence presented. Three nuns, the mayor, and the principal of the local high school all witnessed Mr.

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Home. Schooled.

My wife taught fourth grade for years. Recently, her principal asked her to teach fifth grade. “Oh honey,“ I exclaimed, “you got smarter.“ My wife gave me the “teacher look,” usually reserved for an unfortunate combination of ten-year-olds and paper airplanes. Apparently, “you got smarter” is neither novel nor endearing.

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Copyright © David Altshuler 2019    |    Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC     |    (305) 978-8917    |    david@davidaltshuler.com