David Altshuler, M.S.
(305) 978-8917 | david@davidaltshuler.com

Category: College Admissions

The Finger

A man goes to the doctor’s office. He points to his shoulder, says, “Ouch! That hurts!” The man touches his knee, says, “Ow! That hurts too!” The man touches his forehead, says, “Wow, that hurts a lot!” The doctor says, “Your finger is broken.” I have been pontificating in these columns

Read More »

Teacher’s Lament

If snowplow parenting only increased the likelihood that your kid would morph into a sniveling, entitled, feckless, unhappy monster living in your basement borrowing your credit card, I wouldn’t spill any more electrons trying to help you raise a responsible kid who understands that his actions have consequences for him.

Read More »

Differences

I adore my wife. Let’s be clear up front. This is not one of those “my wife doesn’t understand me” clichés more appropriate to a lower class of fiction. My blog is not a dating website. My wife is awesome. All that said, Patti and I did stay at an

Read More »

Parenting Quiz

Which specific offenses were committed and by whom is lost—mercifully—in the mists of time. Doubtless some egregious transgression involving a lunch check or a pitiless misunderstanding over a meeting time were involved. Suffice it to say that Mrs. Amber Bamberger hasn’t seen or spoken to her daughter, Bambi Bamberger, in

Read More »

Du Bist Ein Dummer Hund

Scholars disagree as to whether or not Polonius is a pretentious boor. His advice to his son, Laertes, strikes me as fairly cogent, I have to say. “Give all men they ear, few thy voice.” Makes sense. What is not in dispute is that Laertes has heard it all before.

Read More »

Love vs Hate

I spoke yesterday with the guardian ad litem of a 13-year-old. Only child. (The 13-year-old that is; I didn’t ask if the GAL has siblings.) Out of control. Angry, depressed, acting out. Stealing beer. Vaping pot. Lying. School refusal. School failure. Doesn’t leave his room or do chores. Becomes verbally

Read More »

Perambulation

It’s one thing to say, “I will be there for you.” Holding your six-year-old son‘s arm as he negotiates a tricky series of boulders conveys the message more emphatically. “I got you” is in real time. As you walk along these little rocks and negotiate those ginormous ones, I am right

Read More »

Awesome children! Guaranteed!

What if there were one simple solution to all of your parenting problems? What if there were one guaranteed, money back, straightforward, infallible answer? What if by following an effortless formula, you were assured of being happy with your children and your children were guaranteed to be successful, top of

Read More »

Collateral Damage

I thought I had written enough about the Varsity Blues scandal. I expressed outrage here and sarcasm here. The whole affair sickened me and I was sick of writing about it. Douglas Hodge, the CEO of PIMCO plead guilty. Felicity Huffman is spending two weeks in prison. Agustin Huneeus got

Read More »

Halcyon

Some gentle readers have suggested that my views of idyllic 19th century family life are egregiously misguided. “You write about families playing cards,” my detractors point out. “You don’t write about farms being foreclosed.” Hmm. “You opine about parents sharing heart-warming stories. You don’t mention siblings sharing dysentery.” My critics

Read More »

Copyright © David Altshuler 2019    |    Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC     |    (305) 978-8917    |    david@davidaltshuler.com