“Push button to walk across street.” What could be more clear? Res ipsa loquitor. Latin for “duh.” The thing speaks for itself. What other possible interpretation could there be? You push the button; the light turns red; the traffic stops. You walk across the street. What else is there to
Edwin Hubble, of the eponymous telescope, is showing the Einsteins around the facility. Mt. Palomar is an impressive place: the largest telescope on the planet, a hundred physicists, unlimited funding, the best of the best. Hubble says, “here is where we push back the frontiers of human knowledge. We are
“More counseling needed on college campuses” proclaims a recent Time Magazine piece. “Depression at record levels.” Academic pressure is cited as a cause of the overwhelming burden on scarce resources. A student is depicted. Her schedule includes premed courses, collegiate soccer, and a full social life. The article does not specifically
Superhero A beat up copy of Action Comics Number 1 sells for hundreds of thousands of dollars–if you can find one for sale. In near mint condition, the price is something over three million dollars. A pristine copy of Amazing Fantasy number 15 can be yours for “only” one million.
On the most recent edition of the Grammys, one of the speakers made a heartfelt acceptance speech. She mentioned her disadvantaged background. She talked about how hard she had worked and how grateful she was for her success, her award, and her adulation. Both the speaker and the audience were
Why does my colleague insist that every college application be submitted from her office? Is there something special about her school’s location? Why can’t the children submit the applications from their homes? Why is my colleague vehement that the applications be submitted in her office under her watchful eye? She’s
I never thought I wrote well. This is not false modesty. Nor am I looking for complements. I never thought I wrote well because, to be perfectly honest, I did not. In the time capsule that doubles as my office closet, I recently unearthed 40-something year old correspondence from my
If you think no one cares about you, try missing a car payment. If you think no one knows you’re alive, see what happens if you overlook your mortgage. Similarly, if you think that homework is about mastery of academic material, just neglect to turn in an assignment. Because homework is
Noises usually associated with the trenches of the First World War were coming from somewhere deep within my car. Clearly, something was amiss with the combobulator. Or possibly the framistan. My liberal arts degree safely in a drawer, I called a buddy of mine, the assistant service manager of a
Remember those horrific, “Mommy, mommy” jokes? Unbearably offensive a generation ago, they are almost unpublishable by the more enlightened standards of today: “Mommy, mommy, I don’t want to go to Europe.” “Shut up and keep swimming.” “Mommy, mommy, I don’t want to run in circles.” “Shut up or I’ll nail
Copyright © David Altshuler 1980 – 2022 | Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC | (305) 978-8917 | [email protected]
