Author Archives: David

Sew What?

During the day, Penelope knits a burial shroud for her father-in-law. As soon as the garment is finished, she will be forced to accept a marriage proposal from one of the unpleasant suitors who have been hanging around, drinking her husband’s wine, ogling her, and generally treating the place like a nightclub. Penelope has no…Read the full article

Loser!

From: David Altshuler, M.S. <david@altshulerfamily.com> Subject: Loser! 305 Preheader: Reply: david@altshulerfamily.com Loser! Cam Newton may be the most recent to suggest that “there’s no such thing as a good loser–only a loser,” but he certainly did not invent the concept. Racecar driver, Dale Earnhardt said, “Second place is just the first place for losers.” A…Read the full article

Most Famous Fictional Character

What do Benedict Cumberbatch, Robert Downey, Jr., and Basil Rathbone have in common? Tough question, don’t you agree? The following information may not make the answer any more apparent: Michael Caine, Peter O’Toole, and Charlton Heston (of all people) have all done the same thing. As have Leonard Nimoy, Larry Hagman, and George C. Scott….Read the full article

Come And Get It!

Remember in college when four CBS blocks and two six-foot boards constituted a functional bookshelf? Two battered pots-one for simmering tomato sauce, one for making spaghetti-constituted cookware. Somebody brought salad, somebody else brought garlic bread and-voila!-let’s eat. Clean up involved five minutes of scrubbing and two trips to the dumpster to empty the containers of…Read the full article

Homework: Threat or Menace?

Even Isaac Newton, reputed to be a bright boy by any measure, believed in the transmutation of elements. Turn lead into gold? Sure, why not? Lead into gold. How hard could it be? Turns out the process of switching from this element to that element involves the number of protons in the nucleus of the…Read the full article

Letting Go

Look, if there was any chance that you actually could effect positive change by micromanaging your child, then I wouldn’t say a word against your way of doing things. Honest.  If, by swooping in, you could help your daughter in any way, I’d give you the thumbs up and leave you alone. I’d ignore that…Read the full article

Night Sacrifice

By the time I met Louise 20 years ago, her children were grown and gone, but I got to know her pretty well toward the end of her life. We agreed that it was tough to grow vegetables in the rocky soil of our neighborhood. We agreed that folks drove too fast down our suburban…Read the full article

Teacher’s Lament

Teachers from across the country appeared to me last night in a dream. With one voice they spoke: “Here’s why teachers feel that we can’t tell parents the truth about their children.” “Because the parents aren’t nice to us never mind respectful.They treat us like coke machines. When they see us at Publix on a…Read the full article