Author Archives: David

G-I-R-A-F-F-E

All things being equal, I suppose I would rather have a child who is able to look up words in the dictionary on his own than a child who wakes me up in the middle of the night asking me how to spell giraffe. On the other hand, I would rather spit out G-I-R-A-F-F-E after…Read the full article

Recommendation

Colleges are businesses. Colleges are businesses with some nice folks trying to good things, but colleges are businesses nonetheless. Colleges aren’t creepy dishonest businesses like Enron, but somebody at the college is aware that income should exceed expenses. Just as a chicken is in egg’s way of making another egg, how this year’s entering first-year…Read the full article

Eggsactly

On a cool South Florida night in 1968, my buddies Alan and Elliot appropriated a dozen eggs from Alan’s refrigerator and positioned themselves in a thick hedge near an overpass on Miami Beach. Before the first gooey projectile had been lobbed, flashing lights appeared. The 12-year-olds were taken into custody and their parents called. After…Read the full article

Advice

At a recent conference in New Orleans I had the mixed pleasure of reconnecting with an old college friend who had apparently never heard of “never mix, never worry.” I learned from colleagues that Stacie had started with Kahlua and coffee at lunch and had slurped an entire bottle of Bordeaux at dinner. When she…Read the full article

Child for Sale

A twenty-five dollar gift certificate, a $2.95 card that reads, “Welcome to the family,” and a 47-cent stamp can undo a year of misunderstanding. Total expenditure: $29.42. Not a bad price to pay for an adult child if you think about it. I know folks who routinely pay $29.42 for bad Chinese take-out food. Bad…Read the full article

Process

Warning: This newsletter contains adult content and may be inappropriate for some readers, offensive to others. A more insightful author than I pointed out recently that the ten billion dollar pornography industry in this country is not comprised of ten perverts each spending a billion dollars. Take it to the bank: if your 16-year-old child…Read the full article