David Altshuler, M.S.
(305) 978-8917 | [email protected]

Author: David

EVT

Let’s play a game? It’s simple. We’ll flip a fair coin. If the coin comes up heads, I’ll give you two dollars. If the coin comes up tails, you only have to give me one dollar. Cool? This is a great game. For you. For me, not so much. Because

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Take Those Penguins to the Zoo!

Is it just me? Or are you also annoyed with pretty much everything? “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” is how the the protagonist of the 1976 film expressed it. There’s this guy. He’s driving a station wagon. (That’s how old this joke is.

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Adult Time Out

The Varsity Blues Scandal is the humiliation that keeps on giving. More headlines this week. More wealthy people headed to the hoosegow. Another herd of gazillionaires in handcuffs. Schadenfreude seems to be the most popular response: Schadenfreude from the German, “schaden” meaning “damage” and “freude” translated as “nanny, nanny, boo,

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Education

 Parents would never out-source the religious upbringing of their kids. “Oh, sure. We are devout Christians/Jews/Muslims/Atheists, but we tell the kids to believe whatever they want, to worship with whomever they choose.” Words no parent ever spoke. To the contrary, parents encourage their kids to come to church/synagogue/mosque/or not/ with

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Prime Rib

You might think that the “fundamental theorem of arithmetic” would be ponderous and scary given its imposing title. “Fundamental.” Woo. Indeed the “fundamental theorem of calculus” suggests strongly that there are still a few open seats in Art History 101, a class most likely to be taught in an air-conditioned,

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What Never Happens

A mother tells her 30-something daughter that she is overweight. (The daughter, not the mom.) “Your arms are flabby, “mom says. “You are at risk for heart disease and diabetes; you will never find a husband.” “Thanks, Mom, “the daughter responds sarcastically. “I had no idea. Now that you mention

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How Much Land Does a Man Need?

An elder sister came to visit her younger sister at a bad college. The elder attended a good college in the big city, the younger was enrolled at a bad college in the village. As the sisters sat over their Chardonnay talking, the elder began to boast of the advantages

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Adverse Advice

To a first approximation, all the advice your children will ever get is bad. I’m not even talking about, “drink this; get in the car” which is merciless enough certainly. That there are people who profit from convincing your kids to come to harm is hardly a headline. Anybody not

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Duke, Georgetown, Harvard, Penn, and Stanford

What would you say to a request from money from Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, or Mark Zuckerberg, a request for contributions. Jeff, Elon, Bill, and Mark are asking for money. Not for a charity. But for their own bank accounts. What if they wanted you to send them

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Nonna and Nonno

“If you raise your kids, you can spoil your grandkids; if you spoil your kids, you can end up raising your grandkids” suggests an unknown author, possibly the same unidentified pundit who suggested, “if you give your kids everything, they will appreciate nothing.” To which wisdom, I would like to

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Copyright © David Altshuler 1980 – 2022    |    Miami, FL • Charlotte, NC     |    (305) 978-8917    |    [email protected]